So... I had my 36th birthday on June 1, 2018.
I am usually incredibly reflective at the onset of my New Year. I think about all I did (and didn't) accomplish the year before and all I'd like to accomplish in the coming year. I write something incredibly insightful and introspective. But not this year. This year, I'm listing the 36 things about me that make me who I am. 2018 has been about self-love and self-acceptance for me, so I'ma list the shit about myself that is what it is... and you can accept it or not. Either way, it's still who I am. This is Alisa... at 36. Enjoy.
1. I still don't know how to wear makeup. Anything beyond mascara and lipstick is Greek to me.
2. I still blast rachet music at inconsiderate rates of volume with the windows down in my car. Y'all gonna get all this Lil Kim coming through my speakers. Like it or not.
3. I still skip wearing a bra whenever I can get away with it.
4. I traded pizza for kale. Under duress, but my waistline thanks me for it. Kale also doesn't give me indigestion from the firey pits of hell either, so there's that.
5. My son is taller than me, so I have to yell a lot so he remembers I'm still his mother.
6. I became a cat person. Hendrix is the love of my life. She's shady as hell, she only deals with who she likes, and she cuts a mean side eye. She's my kindred spirit.
7. Everything makes me cry except the shit that's supposed to.
8. I carry Tums and Pepto Bismol tablets in my purse. Shit gets real sometimes. Pun absolutely intended.
9. I have no patience for impatience. Wanna test me? Honk your horn behind me at a light as soon as it turns green. See what happens.
10. I don't believe in "late." Whenever I arrive, I'm right on time.
11. Yes, I will still watch you calling my phone and then send you a text saying "You need something?" as soon as it stops ringing. No, I still don't believe in answering my phone.
12. When I was 25, I bought a Camaro because it was red and I could drive it fast. At 35, I bought a Jeep because of the cargo space and the durability. My, how our priorities change.
13. Coffee is still the nectar of life and the key to my being able to adult properly.
14. I have absolutely mastered procrastination. There's an art to effectively bullshitting and still getting stuff done on time. When it's done right, it's a beautiful thing.
15. I text back in my head now. I'll read a text, respond in my head, and close the app. I don't do it on purpose, but if you sent me a text and didn't get an answer, I'm likely not ignoring you. I responded. Just not to you. *shrugs*
15a. I said I'm "likely" not ignoring you... because sometimes, I am absolutely ignoring you.
16. "Righty tighty lefty loosie" still gets me through tough situations.
17. I will still leave my house if certain insects come inside. They can have the house. I have shit to do anyway. *goes outside to vacuum the sidewalk*
18. God's grace and favor still cover my whole life except when I eat something I know I'm not supposed to eat. Then God be like, "You got it, girl. You chose to eat it... now you suffer the consequences." Petty.
19. I lecture my son about the value of good music... and MAKE him listen to the greats. Ain't no Lil Uzi in my car... We gonna listen to Rakim... and you're gonna love it.
20. I still don't separate laundry. F*ck it. Does my white shirt get any less clean because I washed it with the darks? I don't think so.
21. For me, convenience > the price of convenience. IDC. Hello, Peabody, Molly Maid, and UberEats. *heart eyes emoji*
22. I still look for an adult to call in difficult situations because I've not yet realized that I am the adult.
23. I'm still planning what I wanna do when I grow up. Nevermind the fact that I'm almost 40... and good and grown.
24. I'm still going to see the new Incredibles movie this weekend... whether my kid decides to come with me or not. Judge your mother.
25. I don't wear heels anymore. Period. Tipping along on feet that hurt is not the bid. You gonna get these cute flats and shit the hell up about it.
26. I still hide the good snacks in my bedroom. "I don't know what happened to the rest of the Oreos, Michael. Eat some granola instead."
27. I show up for the people I love. Even when I'm a little MIA on a day-to-day basis, if you are in crisis and you need me, I'm there. Period.
28. I have everything I could ever need in any emergency in my car. A blanket. Water. A flashlight. Lotion. Blun-- I mean... um... Gum. I always have gum. Like I said... Any emergency. I'm ready.
29. Paper mail > email. A handwritten anything is always the key to my heart... unless it's a bill for something. In which case, f*ck you.
30. I will online church in a minute. I can pay my tithes via PayPal. I even take notes. Church in my pajamas is my whole entire jam.
31. Kanye West is still my favorite artist. I threw Kanye the Person in the trash after his "slavery is a choice" stunt... but you don't throw out the art with the artist... especially if it's good art. All his albums get heavy play from me. Fight me.
32. I have 18 tattoos. And I'm still not finished, much to my mother's chagrin.
33. What the hell is a speed limit?
34. This is new-- I brush my teeth, wash my face, and floss every night now. Bad skin and dentures haunt my dreams. So do sagging tits and cellulite... but being fat and braless are both the bid, so...
35. I'm glad I'm almost finished this list. Tryna think of 36 of these was exhausting.
36. I'm still me. Absolutely me. I'm spoiled, I can be irrational, I'm moody, I am prone to depression, and I can be absent-minded at times. I'm also incredibly smart, fun to be around, and I usually smell pretty nice. And you know what? I like me. I like the woman I am at 36. I worked so hard to become who I am... and I'ma love all of me. And so are you, dammit. You gonna love all this Gemini madness.
There you have it. Thirty-six for thirty-six.
I write because a lot of what I have to say is too crass and inappropriate for me to say out loud.