And, just like that, the moment I had been dreading for hours finally became a reality... The sun sank down behind the horizon, taking with it the last few rays of daylight. I watched in horror as the sky darkened and shivered as the air grew chilly. Little by torturous little, I was being plunged into darkness, and I was powerless to do anything to prevent it.
I teach a creative writing class to a group of high school students on Tuesdays after school. We were doing an exercise where I had each student say one word and everyone had to write whatever their first thought was concerning said word. One kid said, "Music." This is what I came up with. It surprised me... Music makes me incredibly happy. It was interesting that my mind went here that afternoon.
Music provided the background to all the parts of my life that I don't wanna remember
making me recall the one time in danced with him and
even though it felt so real and
so right and
so much like reality
chose her, my best friend with the pretty eyes, instead
Memories of that time when, right after our son was born
I saw him walking close to her
whispering words to her
sharing private jokes with her
and I watched wordlessly, tears streaming down my face, while that song played on the radio and
every time I heard that song, I saw her blushing, him laughing
and felt that same emptiness in the pit of my stomach
Or that one song that reminded me of that one guy I used to love...
I remember how those lyrics made me cry until I was empty
until I physically ached
until there were no tears left
because I understood that heartache she sang about
and had no idea how to fix it, how to make the pain go away
Music makes me remember the times, places, people I wish I could forget
Makes me remember
The tears, the angst, the rejection, the regret
Music plays my sadness
Heartache over dope beats
The soundtrack of my pain
I write because a lot of what I have to say is too crass and inappropriate for me to say out loud.