Today was a lot.
I adulted at levels beyond what I thought possible today, so at the end of a very long day of errands and obligation I made my way into the liquor store for a much-deserved bottle of wine.
I'm walking out the store and this man, who is sitting in front of the store in a car with another man, decides to have a conversation with me that ended much differently than I'm sure he thought it would.
Old guy: Heeeeeeey girl.
(mind you, I'm tired at this point, but I try not to ever be rude--)
Me: Hi. (I'm responding, but I'm still walking)
Him: You married?
(well. way to get straight to the point.)
Him: You want a husband?
(as I'm thinking to myself, IF I did, sir, you would NOT be my choice)
Him: You want a friend?
Me: No. (and then I pause in the middle of the street, turn around to face him, and say) But I am in the market for a sugar daddy, though. What's good?
(I'm standing in the middle of the street, holding my bottles of wine-- because today was real enough for two bottles-- waiting for him to respond)
Him: *grumbles something under his breath and rolls his car window up*
Works every time. Tell folks they gotta pay to play and you'll be astounded at how fast they lose interest.
That's how you flip it on a dirty old man. Try to hit up his pockets and he will change his mind... quick.
If that doesn't work, just dig up your nose.
I write because a lot of what I have to say is too crass and inappropriate for me to say out loud.